My Top 5 Social Media Gripes

If you entered the private office of a business manager 15-20 years ago, there's a good chance the office wall was adorned with those popular framed posters like the one pictured below. They usually portrayed some athletic endeavor like a team of rowers breaking a sweat at sunset with the caption "Teamwork" followed by a motivational quote. Then came despair.com one of my favorite snarky websites that makes fun of those posters  using "Demotivators," a term they've coined.

My favorite Demotivator features a sinking ship displaying the message "Mistakes, It could be that the purpose of your life is to serve as a warning to others."

I shudder to think how many times that Mistakes poster felt like my life quote, especially in the realm of social media. Though Hillary Clinton may demonstrate otherwise, I'm thankful for that Delete key as it's among the most worn keys on my keyboard. But not everyone shares in my affinity toward that key and it's evident on just about every social media site. Despair.com's Mistakes poster, remains as true today as it did in the late 90's when the company began.

The following types of posts underscore my opinion:

1) Heartbreaking, tragic and graphic images of starving or abused animals or children. What I hate more about those images isn't so much that they remain etched in my psyche long after I've run through my timeline. It's the fact that I will Hide those friends for fear of seeing another shocking image. As a result, I will miss those friends' updates.


2) Embarrassing photos of children by well intending parents of naked baby/toddler bathtub photos. Aside from the fact that there are sick pervs who lurk social media and this activity is quite possibly be illegal; it's not cool to parade someone else's compromised image around for entertainment before they possess the capacity/ability to grant permission.


3) Announcements delivered by those whose tale isn't theirs to tell. The other day a member of a neighborhood group I follow posted a "public service announcement" of a dead dog without a collar lying on the road in order to alert the owner. A different group I follow featured photos from a fatal automobile accident to warn drivers to avoid that route. Being first with the story is usually most appropriate if a news source is reporting. A picture can tell a thousand words but sometimes a description is more merciful.

Generally speaking, being first to announce the news of a happier nature (pregnancies, nuptials, anniversaries) is a right and privilege reserved by the participant or their families.

The genius artwork of Pawel Kuczynski found on Instagram 

4) Posts that endeavor to shame people into reposting their message is silly. What if we just want to show support by Liking the post, does that suggest we're less of a friend?

5. Cryptic posts are the worst. For example, check-ins at the emergency room with no explanation except for " It's going to be a long night" which are invariably followed by a flurry of alarmed responses like "Are you okay!?" and "Oh no what happened?" and "Thinking good thoughts!" Please just tell us what's up so we can hopefully be of some assistance.

So many rants, so little time. As alluded to above, the Mistakes poster reminds me that I'm one post away from serving as a warning to others. The good news is that one's indiscretion can be another's lesson. We live and learn, hopefully.

And while I've never posted naked baby bath pictures of my kids, I did post this treasure back in 2009. And I refuse to Delete it ;)

Man Makes Plans but God Directs His Ways

My husband and I met Renee at church several months ago back in November. After learning we were new to the area she copied my phone number and said she'd be in touch. She reached out to me on several occasions but we were always busy. I would have given up but she didn't and I'm so grateful for that. Four months later, she invited us to a potluck lunch where we met several people whom we now regularly associate with. 

As we were leaving the potluck, I noticed an elderly gentleman named Ron. I overheard him say that he was middle school teacher for most of his life and also coached basketball. He’s been a musician for many years and still performs bass in a local orchestra. After over 60 years of marriage, he recently lost his wife to Parkinson’s and then suffered a mild stroke in December of 2015. Amidst such affliction I was struck by this gentleman’s peaceful acceptance of his situation, articulate manner and joyful attitude. I told myself I would reach out to him the first opportunity I had.

Months went by and our paths never seemed to cross. One Sunday in June I turned around and there he was. I told him I remembered him from the potluck and wanted him to join us for dinner sometime. He gave me his phone number and I promised to be in touch.

When I invited him over for dinner he asked if it would be okay if he brought a few photos of his late wife. He carried a plastic Walmart bag containing some framed photos along with a couple of black and whites which he placed most gingerly on his lap during the car ride. As I handled one of the pictures I noticed his wife’s date of birth was written on the back. She was born the same year as Ron but also the same year as my dad. I learned that both he and my dad served in the Korean War and were recruited via R.O.T.C. but in different capacities. I shared this information with my dad who lives in California. I would have never predicted it, but my dad was so intrigued by their commonality that he asked for Ron’s phone number. So far now, they’ve chatted at length on a few occasions now and both Ron and my dad have told me how much they’ve enjoyed their chats.

Such unusual circumstances for this newfound friendship between two 80-something year old men who met over the phone and have corresponded for at least 2 or 3 hours within the course of a couple of months. Last week Ron left me the sweetest voicemail telling me how profoundly his friendship with me, my husband and now my dad has helped him through a particularly difficult time in his life. 

I can’t help but marvel at this curious but wonderful plot twist all stemming from one woman's persistent kindness towards me. She was the direct cause of my meeting Ron and the indirect cause of Ron’s friendship with my dad. Funny thing is, Ron thinks he’s the one whose come out with the bigger end of the stick in our friendship. But in reality I'm the one who's been blessed by him. Ron is such a thoughtful and considerate man with such a positive outlook. He's been a runner much of his life and was even involved in a Walt Disney film which was filmed in my area where he did some voice-overs and helped with the sound. Soon he and my dad are going to meet in person when my parents come to visit. I'm humbled by the goodness of God in orchestrating these friendships and am grateful to have had some small role in it.

                                                            

Through my friendship with Ron I’ve come to realize and appreciate that the effects of kindness are seldom measurable or in this case, predictable. The irony is I thought I was being kind to Ron but have discovered, no-God was being kind to Ron and my dad through me. I was just privileged to have been used to achieve this end. How cool is that? As a bonus, I have experienced Renee's kindness which has led to our having met a bunch of wonderful new friends and have been able to help foster a budding new friendship between two Korean War veterans. It's a rare privilege that we can actually witness the effects of our kindness. But to experience the satisfaction of a mere glimpse of it is both humbling and joyous. 

                                                       

10 Safety Tips for Runners and Drivers who Share the Same Road

When living in San Jose, CA I was lucky to squeeze in a few weekly runs. For safety purposes and to arrive to work on time, I aimed to run during early morning hours before Silicon Valley traffic set in. Now that I've moved to the Olympic Peninsula and am currently not working, I run more frequently. Instead of running neighborhood city streets, I run on two-lane highways. With increased mileage has come increased awareness of how things are and how things outta be! So with this new awareness, I present to you:


Ten Safety Tips for Drivers and Runners Who Share the Same Road

Drivers:

1) If you're driving on a two-lane road, it's not only courteous to slow down if a runner is approaching, it lets them know you see them. There is nothing more stressful to a runner than a driver who rigidly remains in their lane no matter who else is on the road with them. Seriously, people, you're not going to get a ticket for veering into the other empty lane in order to give a runner some road.

2) If you drive an extra large vehicle (big rig or commercial vehicle) reducing speed even by 5 miles can provide an extra measure of safety for the runner. Large vehicles traveling as slow as 45 mph can create enough wind to force a cap off a runner's head.

3) If you see a runner up ahead but also recognize another driver approaching in the opposite lane, slow down. Most runners recognize that when an approaching car slows significantly, it means there is almost always a car behind them and the runner needs to move as far into the shoulder of the road as possible. This more easily allows the two oppositely passing cars to simultaneously pass one another.

4)  If driving behind a runner who is travelling in the same direction as you in order to turn a corner, be extra careful and watch for hand signals. For example, at a 4-way stop, when the car in front of you is heading straight and you are turning right and the runner is also turning right; it is NOT okay for you to force the runner into the shoulder to avoid having to wait for the car in front of you. If the runner has not yet passed your car, then it's safest to wait until the car in front of you has gone.

5) There is never any good reason to honk at a runner unless you're trying to save them from a falling meteor. Honking can be terrifying, especially from big-rigs with loud horns. It disrupts the runner's breathing, pace, and is an overall jackass move.

6) Don't stop runners for directions. I don't know why anyone thinks this is a good idea but it's not. It has a similar effect on the runner as #5 minus the terror.

7) If you're driving a hilly road, pay close attention. Runners cannot see your car as you're descending the same hill they're ascending. If your attention is not fully on driving while going down that hill and the road doesn't have a lot of shoulder, the runner has few options to get out of your way.

Runners:

8) Unlike bicyclists who ride with the flow of traffic, I recommend running against traffic so that you're facing oncoming cars. This is so you can see them approach you and potentially get out of the way.

9) It's okay to wave at drivers whether you know them or not. I wave, not because I'm trying to awkwardly make new friends, but to command my presence. I also wave to create road harmony. The unintended consequence, of course, is pretty soon all the drivers will be waving at you. But that means they see you which means they probably won't run you over.

10) On two-lane roads, I run in the middle of the lane against traffic. I also wear a flashing LED light clipped to my clothing. That way the driver sees me as a potential threat (or at minimum a curiosity worth slowing down to examine). I stay in the middle lane until they're close enough to see me and then I veer into my shoulder.

Bonus Tips for Runners: Carry pepper spray, a Road ID bracelet and, a cell phone. Let someone know your route in advance; what time you left and when you've returned. For more info on Road ID use my unique refer a friend link: http://RoadID.com/invite/4XHVV-TAFPHHVQD2Z For extra safety, I have been known to snap a selfie before leaving (to demonstrate my attire) AND my route.

These tips came from experience. I learned them the hard way, or perhaps I should say "the fortunate way" (I lived to write about them!) Including the wretched Pepsi truck who sped by so fast my hat flew off my head. If I missed anything, or if you have a suggestion to add, pleases write me a reply. I'd love to hear them.

In Celebration of Mom this Mother's Day

This will be the first Mother's Day that I won't have an easy opportunity to be with my mom. We moved from the Bay Area to Washington State about 7 months ago so by necessity, our visits are less frequent.

Mom is in her 80's and the older I get, the more blessed I feel to chat with her almost every day. But as Mother's Day draws near, this new distance between us has produced a strange sense of loss. A recognition that we're not as young as we used to be and opportunities for future visits will inevitably lessen. The chipper sales clerk robotically chanting, "Happy Mother's Day" for some, can actually produce sadness. As I've been scrolling through my Facebook feed this weekend, this sensitivity has been particularly apparent by all the photos of people with their moms and then every so often a photo that looks this:

So in an effort to pick myself up and share a special kind of Mother's Day gift for my mom, I've decided to dedicate this blog post to her by detailing some special memories.

Mom in high school

Mom last week 

 

1) As a child, Mom took me to out to lunch most Saturdays and then to our favorite local book store. This independent bookshop was located inside the old El Paseo de Saratoga shopping center which was one of the more picturesque shopping centers in Santa Clara County during my childhood. It had waterfalls, trees, park-benches, restaurants and art galleries. I still associate the joy of a crisp new book to read with those carefree afternoons with Mom poring over books. Whether she intended to or not, Mom channeled my love of shopping into a love of reading. I eventually owned every Nancy Drew book (and still do!)


2) Because my high school was across town from my home, Mom usually picked me up from school my Freshman and Sophomore years. She would often pick up some amazing pastry from a specialty supermarket near our house. I can still recall the delight at that pink box on the seat waiting for me. In retrospect, that was such a thoughtful gesture for a working mom to fit this into her schedule. Remember, this was before the convenience of Starbucks.

                                                                 

Is there anything that says "I love you" more to than a pink box containing something sweet?

3) When my husband and I decided to start a family we didn't conceive right away, so I considered fertility testing. One of the tests I was told, would be painful but I scheduled it anyway. The night before the procedure, I had so much anxiety about it which, coupled with the longing to be pregnant led me to call Mom. As if she had some special knowledge, she insisted I cancel that appointment because there was "nothing wrong" and we should consider other options. I so greatly wanted to believe her even though I had no logical reason to do so. So I found myself grasping hold of her faith and cancelling the appointment. We did explore other possibilities and I was pregnant shortly thereafter. I still marvel at the absurdity of her adamant position and my willful suppression of reason to accept it. But she was right. She just knew, as mothers so often do.

4) She used to prepare care packages for those she knew were struggling financially. This was not through a charity organization, she just saw the need and responded to it. She'd amass non-perishable food into boxes and we'd pack them in the trunk of her car. She would take me with her in the evening to deliver these food boxes and I got to experience first hand what selflessness looks like.

Only last year when I was packing for our move, she stopped by when I was bagging up clothes to donate. "Don't you give those away, I know a family who could use them." It was mildly frustrating because she'd be interrupting my progress but at the same time, endearing that she keeps track of people in need.

5) When I went back to work after being at home mom for several years, I struggled with the transition. I was going to school two nights a week, was working full time and still had a family to feed. She would come to my house and clean and do laundry. On my school nights she would have dinner prepared when my husband and I got home. She would do this all while she was working her own job. I don't know how I would have kept it together without her. I don't know that I ever will.


Even though I'm a mom, I will always equate Mother's Day with my mom. She is who I celebrate whether I get to see her or not. For those who can't call Mom this Mother's Day, I would encourage you to do something that would make your mother happy. After all, mothers are the very first people who selflessly and unconditionally love us. And that is worth celebrating.


Happy Mother's Day Mom.

                                                     

Eyes Wide Open

At church last Sunday, the pastor read a most insightful list by author, Mary DeMuth and incorporated it into his sermon. The list was titled "Spiritual Abuse, 10 Ways to spot it." Her entire article can be found here:  http://www.marydemuth.com/spiritual-abuse-10-ways-to-spot-it/. 

Spiritual abuse is when a pastor, elder, or other religious leader detrimentally uses their position in an unbiblical manner for personal gain. I've cited a couple of Ms. DeMuth's observations and have placed my own comments in blue:

                                                          

1. ...Can’t admit failure... They often quote scriptures about not touching God’s anointed, or bringing accusations against an elder. Yet they often confront sin in others, particularly ones who bring up legitimate biblical issues. Or they have their circle of influence take on this task, silencing critics.

Sometimes they can even attempt to censure or cast aspersions on those who bring up legitimate biblical issues. So intent are they to cover up their sin, they can even use the pulpit as a hammer to further their own agenda. For example, imagine a pastor citing 
1 Cor 4:1-5  to suggest that congregations are not competent to ultimately judge their pastors. Such an irresponsible statement has the effect of painting an unrealistic and unbiblical hierarchy between the congregant and their leadership. 

Anglican bishop J.C. Ryle (1860-1900) had a compelling position about such teaching: 

Let us learn not to put implicit confidence in any man’s opinion, merely because of his office as a minister. Peter was one of the very chiefest Apostles, and yet he could err. This is a point on which men have continually gone astray. It is the rock on which the early Church struck. Men soon took up the saying, “Do nothing contrary to the mind of the Bishop.” But what are bishops, priests, and deacons? What are the best of ministers but men-dust, ashes, and clay-men of like passions with ourselves, men exposed to temptations, men liable to weaknesses and infirmities? What saith the Scripture, “Who is Paul and who is Apollos, but ministers by whom you believed, even as the Lord gave to every man?” (1 Corinthians 3:5). ... The greatest errors have been begun by ministers. Hophni and Phinehas, the sons of the High priest, made religion to be abhorred by the children of Israel. Annas and Caiaphas, though in the direct line of descent from Aaron, crucified the Lord.... It is absurd to suppose that ordained men cannot go wrong. We should follow them so far as they teach according to the Bible, but no further. We should believe them so long as they can say, “Thus it is written,” “thus saith the Lord;” but further than this we are not to go...

J.C. Ryle's entire article can be found here:
 http://trinityfoundation.org/journal.php?id=182                                                              

                                                                                                                       

2. Buffer him/herself from criticism by placing people around themselves whose only allegiance is to the leader. Views those who bring up issues as enemies. Those who were once friends/allies swiftly become enemies once a concern is raised. Sometimes these folks are banished, told to be silent, or shamed into submission. Purity should never be sacrificed for the sake of peace. An elder/church leader's role is to oversee and care for the church of God Acts 20:28.  Elders are to oversee and guard the Church, not the pastor.

Spiritual leaders should conduct themselves in a morally and ethically upright manner. To be above board in their conduct, contracts, finances etc. If they have stumbled, they should repent publicly and honestly and endeavor to make things right. To some, the effects of spiritual abuse can create spiritual devastation and isolation. If this happens the goal is look beyond the individual(s) to God. God never fails. Men may fail and disappoint but "All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to his purposes." (Rom 8:28). The best way to guard against spiritual abuse is to study Scripture. Hebrews 4:12 

                                                                                                         

A Washington State Ferry-tale Experience

                       
As a new Washington State resident, I'm continually met with new experiences. Most recently, I've discovered that I have options when traveling to the most menial destination. When I learned that I could either drive or take a ferry to Seattle, I was perplexed by this either/or choice. Who wants to sit inside a car when I can shave off 30 minutes and experience travel by ferry? This travel option is both intriguing, in a romantic swashbuckling fairy-tale sort of way, and a little intimidating in an unknown new experience sort of way. 

Movement from one body of land to another by way of a large water-bound vessel conjures wonder and excitement, especially when you're me and your travel amounts to planes, trains and automobiles. But yet many Washington State residents travel to and from work via ferry with the same regularity as people who live on the East Coast commute via the subway.  But we're not talking leaving your car behind and boarding BART or Light-rail. We're talking driving a vehicle onto a ferry and driving it off. 

View from inside the ferry parking area once boarded

The first time I traveled by ferry was when my husband and I went to Seattle. We drove to the Bainbridge Island terminal in order to take a ferry directly in to Downtown Seattle. The tollbooth operator charged us $11.25 an amount based on the number of travelers inside our car. A safety-flag carrying attendant directed us to a line where we  would wait for the next ferry. We then joined hundreds of other vehicles into our designated lane. So seamless is the transition from parking to sailing, if you remain in your vehicle you may not even realize once the ferry has departed.

Since it’s about a 30 minute trip, riders have the option of staying inside their vehicles or vacating them to enter the main deck. After climbing two flights of stairs, I entered the main deck where I was rather taken aback by what I saw.  I was not expecting to see built in Winnebago style tables and plastic benches next to the windows along with a cafeteria complete with two people working cash registers.

I prefer art on the walls rather than affixed to the food kiosk

The cafeteria fare consisted of canned soups heated inside institutional steel containers (the kind with the hole on top of the lid for the ladle), a popcorn and soft pretzel heated unit, an assortment of tea, hot chocolate, coffee and a plethora of overpriced convenience store-looking packaged sandwiches and snacks.

Carb coma corner

The workers are friendly and it's nice to have a little cafeteria instead of vending machines. After I purchased a cup of soup I walked around the retro strictly functional interior where I observed travelers playing cards, board games brought from home or reading books.They even sell playing cards inside the cafeteria.

Go fish

Some travelers bring a travel pillow and curl up on a bench to nap.  One family brought  along their lunch to dine at one of the many window booths. Best part is, every seat has a view.

Room with a view

 Up yet another flight of stairs, the open-air deck offers breathtaking views from every vantage point.

Rows of benches where passengers can enjoy the view 

An array of idyllic homes right on Bainbridge Island

The return trip from Seattle to Bainbridge Island cost more than the reverse trip.  But unlike Bainbridge Island, Seattle offered more appealing pre-boarding concessions. Once you pay and park, depending on how much time you have prior to boarding the ferry, you can leave your car and enter a “mini-mall” just for ferry travelers. There’s a wine-bar, an espresso place, a Subway and a taqueria . It’s all so bizarre and funky but yet perfectly appropriate. An announcement alerts travelers when it's time to board the ferry. Thanks to the Washington State Department of Transportation (WSDOT) app, I can determine whether this makes sense for me depending on my time frame.  I can view the number of spaces remaining and time it just right so that I can pay and drive on the ferry just before it departs. http://www.wsdot.wa.gov/

I imagine my ferry fascination will gradually wane over time just like everything else. The beautiful thing is unless one is traveling to a nearby island like Whidbey, transportation by ferry is not required, it’s an option. Just like taking the bus. But if I have all the time in the world and wish to take in the Washington State vibe, let the wind run through my hair while gazing down below at the chilly and often choppy waters, the ferry can be both therapeutic and enjoyable.

Approaching Seattle

Welcome to Sequim

In September of 2015 I moved from San Jose, CA; the city I grew up and lived most of my life, to Sequim Washington. 

First things first:

1) It's Sequim, pronounced  "Skwim" not Sek-wim. One syllable, not two.

2) I've relocated. Not retired, though Sequim does seem to attract a lot of retirees.

3) I'm finding that Washington State means different things to different people. I live on the Olympic Peninsula, not in Seattle.

I'm often asked how I like all the rain. Sequim gets less than half of the average rainfall of Seattle. Located in the rain shadow of the Olympic Mountains, Sequim is one of the driest locations in Western Washington receiving an average of 16 inches a year. The "blue hole" or sun-patch formed by the Olympic Mountains' rain-shadow is a real phenomenon. When we drove from California through the misty Olympic Peninsula and arrived into the Dungeness Valley, blue sky appeared above as if on cue. Sequim is Coastal Washingon's sunniest town. Please forget what you know about "Rainy Washington" when you think of me. The temperature ranges between about 30 and 85 degrees.

Sequim has approximately 60 small businesses within its six square block area. We have Costco, Walmart, and a few other big-box type stores and a dozen or so restaurants ranging from diners to gourmet fare. The downtown features purple park benches with matching purple trash receptacles, fresh flowers hanging in artful arrangements downtown and purple bike-shaped bike racks.  The Clallam County seat "Port Angeles" is 17 miles away and possesses a cleverly and beautifully stated city moniker  "Where the Mountains Meet the Sea" The same is true here in Sequim but unlike Port Angeles, we have a smaller population, less rain and more sunny days.

Some observations:

1) In the Bay Area a sizable chasm exists between wealthy and lower income families. I have long believed this is one of the greatest indicators of crime in a community. The greater the chasm, the greater the discontent exists in between. By contrast, that chasm is barely discernible in Sequim. I've observed more socioeconomic parity here which I believe contributes to a friendlier, more harmonious population. Unlike the Bay Area, where there are clearly defined areas of affluence, Sequim is mixed. Even in what might be regarded as a more pricey area, you will still find moderate housing.  You may find a run-down looking house here and there but not a whole street of them. For this reason there do not seem to be any undesirable areas. There are good areas, even great areas, but not sketchy ones.

2) People go out of their way to smile and say hello. I can't pump fuel at Costco without someone greeting me and striking up a conversation.  It's as though the residents of Sequim are more concerned with offending their neighbors by not greeting them. I can't walk my dog in my neighborhood without a car passing me by and waving. I no longer have to aggressively speed up to change lanes on the highway. I simply turn my signal on and people let me in. It's not Stepford, it's Sequim. And it's refreshing. 

3) Here in Sequim I daily witness aesthetic beauty which has provided a contentment I've never quite experienced. As a runner, I'm continually mesmerized by the theater of nature as I explore new paths on new roads. Sometimes it's a wooded forest or sometimes it's the combination of the vast open sky and the changing colors of the trees. It's hard to not stop in my winded tracks and gaze toward the snow-capped mountain ranges and not be overtaken by the beauty. I wonder if perhaps it's just me, a newbie, who will eventually grow bored of all this nature the same way I got bored of the visual appeal of Santana Row or the Winchester Mystery House.  But in talking with people who've lived here for years I've learned that the natural beauty we experience here is not the sort of thing people tire of. I guess it explains why the Sequim Facebook page is comprised almost entirely of beautiful images that people post of everyday observations. I can't help but wonder if living among and within this environment actually contributes to a happier populous whose friendly hello's are nothing more than a natural outflow of their contentment.

4) I've heard it a number of times but "Everyone here is from somewhere else." Translation: This isn't a cliquey town. Sequim is a place where the residents delight to know where you're from because they too, are from another place. And their response is always the same: Welcome to Sequim.